PVCC Puma Press: November 2004

Without injury or worse, barring major assaults or an escalation of the fighting the average tour of the soldier deployed in Iraq is about 12 months. That is 52 weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours.

“While on the ground, ‘in country’ it seems as if every 24 hours is actually longer than an actual day,” says Commander W. L. Bushy, USN. ‘The stress, constant fear and seeming aloneness only stretch and slow the minute hand.”

When the tour of duty is over the reality of transforming soldiers to civilians slowly begins to take place. Training and exit counseling can prepare soldiers for the civilian world, but only the reality of meeting and greeting loved ones at home can complete the transformation.

Enduring unspeakable sights, sounds, experiences and nightmares is part of the soldier’s job.

When he or she returns, “give the returning veteran space, both mentally and physically,” says Anne Conser, MSW, a private family counselor. “The urge for the adjustment is exceeded only by the necessity to resume a normal and productive life. The soldier may be home physically, but not necessarily mentally or emotionally…let time co-ordinate the three at the soldier’s individual pace.”

Dave and Kathy Dolge, the parents of 23-year-old soldier Mike noticed these changes in him upon his return:

• He needed patience all the time, so they attempted to understand the un-understandable…asking why but not expecting an answer that they would understand.

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‘The stress, constant fear and seeming aloneness only stretch and slow the minute hand.’
—Cmdr. W.L. Bushy, USN
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After visiting with other soldiers returning, Dave Dolge, himself a veteran of Korea, made the following observations:

• They may not sleep well—maybe they have spent their tour working at night.

• They may nap during the day when they never did before—it is okay; they are probably just recharging or even trying to forget.

• Night sweats; tossing and turning, anxiety and anger are common. All dreams are nightmares, at least until the soldiers can restock their minds with positive and happy thoughts and events.

• When they are asleep, don’t stand too close to them when you awaken them. Don’t awaken them suddenly. Let them orient themselves gradually to consciousness from sleep.

• Don’t make an issue of small idiosyncrasies they may have developed since their deployment. It’s okay to ask and discuss why they feel and act the way they do, but don’t be judgmental.

• They may want to sit with their backs to a wall in a large crowded room or avoid malls, ball games, movie theatres and unfamiliar restaurants. For too long large numbers of unknown people represented large numbers of unknown threats.

• Avoid complaining or dwelling on small things…leaky faucets and barking dogs are not life threatening compared to incoming mortor rounds or fatal military operations.

Richard Carmer, a Phoenix Marine veteran of Viet Nam and father of 25-year-old Dustin advises as follows:

• Do not try to humorously scare or surprise them. Don’t make them jump from fright; they’ve done enough of that in combat.

• Suspicion will be everywhere for them. They’ll get up in the middle of the night to check and recheck doors and locks. In combat it’s called “checking the perimeter.”

• Senior enlisted and officers are used to giving orders without saying please; they are not being rude, just using old habits.

• “On a lighter side,” says Carmer, “upset stomachs are common, seldom from anxiety, usually the change in diet. I didn’t eat a lot of fried chicken overseas from my mess tins.”

Eileen Simpson, a compliance officer for Good Samaritan Hospital says this:

• “Don’t verbally or personally challenge them or say ‘don’t you even care?” Their personal expressions have been repressed…it will take time to relearn to be expressive.”

• Do not ignore but be aware of bad eating habits, drinking to excess, profanity and personal sloppiness—the returning veteran is not used to the dining room table with grandma sitting nearby.

• When they talk, pay attention. It’s a form of venting—likewise don’t worry about their being sullen and quiet, often staring at a wall—it’s all part of the healing and affirmation while they are in the process of realizing that they are home and safe.

• A loss of religious base or increased interest may be present—both were inherited in a foxhole.

Above all else, everyone agrees: Love him or her to the best of your ability. These returning soldiers have suffered through a monumental shock and learned to cope with it. Give them the time to heal and discard the scars.