PVCC Puma Press: October 2003

You'd do anything for this girl. You'd sneak up on a gorilla and flick his ear. If she said "China," you'd start digging. You'd shoot Niagara Falls, without a barrel. You'd paint a Grizzly's toenails pink. You'd rob a Quickie Mart. Catch leprosy. Cure cancer. Steal the "Mona Lisa." Anything. And she has agreed to go out with you. A regular date isn't enough for this girl. But where are you going to take her?
You'd like to steal her away in the middle of the night during a thunderstorm. Take her to a romantic lookout point and watch the lightning, whisper sweet things and eat watermelon. You'd like to challenge her to a first person shooter video game. Introduce her to your dog , take a Frisbee to the park and eat sandwiches. You want to sit next to her on planes. Go camping and burn marshmallows. Walk around Europe and eat cheese, attend bullfights.
But where are you going to take her tonight? Don Juan, Clark Gable, how are you going to show her a good time, show her you care, show her that she is like blood?
Maybe she's just another entry in the black book. Whatever your game, however slick you think you are Rick, don't dork-out. Don't tell her your plans for living with your parents forever. That you still play with action figures and occasionally wet the bed. And don't let it slip that you hide outside her window at night and watch her.

Cracker Jax 16001 N. Scottsdale Rd.
The Cost: $10 for 138 golf balls
The Deal: Buy a six-pack, stuff it in your golf bag and teach her how to play golf. This is called Drinking and Driving.
They also have racecars, games, food and miniature golf.

Horse Back Riding at Spur Cross Stables
44029 N. Spur Cross Rd.
The Cost: $30 per person for an hour.
The Deal: Put her to the test. Is this the one? Is she tough enough? Can she hold up in a wilderness environment? Is she going to break a nail, be afraid or freak out in any way? Before you spend another dollar on her, take her here and find out what you you've gotten yourself into.

Farrelli's Cinema Supper Club
14202 N. Scottsdale Rd.
The Cost: $4-$6 per person plus, a reasonable diner.
The Deal: Watch a movie of your favorite overpaid gunslinger battle the bad guys bloody and eat at the same time, and you don't even have to use a napkin for those ribs cause you're in the dark.

Ice Skating at Arcadia Ice
3853 E. Thomas Rd.
602-957-9966
The Cost: $6.50 per person.
The Deal: Ice is hard. It's slick. You're going to fall. You're going to get hurt. If you're man enough to hold back the tears, if you're not going to instinctively cry for mommy when you fall, if you don't mind dealing with a battered whining girl for the rest of the night. Knock yourself out.

Cosmic Bowling at AMF Desert Hills Lanes
2969 E. Bell Rd.
The Cost: $15 per pair of smelly feet. Friday's and Saturday nights 10 p.m.—1 a.m.
The Deal: It's bowling, but it's the dark. Black lights, loud music, get it. If you're comfortable being in the dark without your blanky, check it out. Maybe she'll be afraid of the dark and need comforting.

Tempe Town Lake boat rentals
The Cost: $12 per person
The Deal: Take her sailing around the world. Or, settle for a spin around Tempe Town Lake. Maybe she'll be afraid of sharks and need comforting. Don't let her even touch the water. Seen Cabin Fever?

ASU Football
www.thesundevils.com
The Cost: $6-$12
The Deal: It's cheap. There's beer. And if your date doesn't work out, there are plenty of other beer drinking sports fans to hang out with.

Sanctuary 5700 E. McDonald Drive
The Cost: $10—$20 a plate
The Deal: Is she stressing you out? Will she not stop talking? Take her to this place and relax her chi. Sanctuary boasts farm-fresh American cuisine with an Asian flare. They have intimate booths, fine city views all in a relaxing feng shui atmosphere.

Jillian's
2101 N. Tatum Blvd.
The Cost: It's up to you on this one
The Deal: Don't know what sort of girl your dealing with? Can't figure her out? Take her to this place and you can't go wrong. They've got 12 bowling lanes, 180 arcade games, 6 billiard tables, a dance club and food.